Changes We All Have To Deal With
by BrucasIsLove912
Summary: Lindsey just left Lucas at the altar, but instead of getting back with Peyton he gets back together with Brooke. Peyton is diagnosed with breast cancer and dies, and everyone is left to live with the repercussions.


_Author's Note: I haven't written a fanfic in a while, and just got the inspiration to recently. This is taking place after Lindsey left Lucas at the altar. He got back together with Brooke instead, at which point Peyton was diagnosed with breast cancer. It's just a new idea and new spin on a story. As always, leave a comment and let me know what you think!_

The Worst Day Since Yesterday

Brooke stood in her bedroom, motionless, her mind and body numb to her surroundings.

Her eyes were red and puffy, from the hundreds of tears she had already shed that day. She knew this day was coming, but she hadn't expected it to be so soon. She stared into her mirror, her hands resting delicately on her wooden dresser.

She didn't hear any stirring in the house, it seemed virtually silent, the way it had been most of the day, besides the occasional murmurs of condolences to her friends and herself. Then again, maybe she was just tuning it all out, because the more she strained my ears, the better she could hear the mess downstairs being cleaned up.

Brooke sighed quietly as my eyes dropped to gaze at her hands. She was done wondering, done asking questions, done wondering why it was her life that ended up in this mess, more than anything, she just wished she were able to crawl into my bed and go to sleep, and that somehow in the morning this would all be one bad dream, a nightmare. She knew against her better judgment though that that would be one wish that would never come true. It was the only thing she had wished for since learning Peyton was sick, and look at where she was now, the day of Peyton's funeral.

Brooke robotically unclasped the string of white pearls around my neck, slipped off her black Jimmy Choos and struggled to unzip my black Chanel dress, one she had been hoping she would never find an occasion to wear, and now this dressed was doomed, it would never be worn again, it held a new sort of significance.

Brooke closed her eyes as she silently struggled by herself to undue something as simple as a zipper, but her fingers and hands shook almost uncontrollably, making it virtually impossible to slide the zipper down. She gave up, it wasn't worth the fight anymore, nothing seemed like it was. She took the few steps back to her bed, surprised her legs hadn't collapsed under her yet, and fell back onto it with a thud.

Brooke didn't turn my head when Lucas walked in, her eyes continued to stare blankly at the design in the ceiling, there were no thoughts in her head, her head felt heavy at the same time it felt utterly empty, and as she stared straight up, not processing a single thing.

Her mind did however; suddenly register the gentle pull on my arm. Lucas forced her to stand up and turn around, being careful as he helped her out of her dress and put her into a pair of pajama pants, a plain camisole, and an old sweatshirt.

Brooke loved Lucas; they had both been a mess when they found out that Peyton was diagnosed with breast cancer, but he came to her rescue. Brooke has always been asking Lucas to save her, to rescue her. Brooke had been jealous all of those years that Lucas saved Peyton and never her, he was saving her now though.

She turned around and stared at him, she wanted to thank him, for being there to console her, to help her, to the man she knew she could never have, but she couldn't utter anything. Every time she opened my mouth to start, nothing came out. She knew Lucas understood, and yet, she felt that she owed him more than that.

It took everything in her being to work up a small smile, a silent token of her thanks. She watched as Lucas struggled to return the weak smile. It was hard for him too, losing Peyton, as much as they all had been through, they had all remained such close friends. Brooke stared into his bright blue eyes, usually a sparkle of something in them, but today they were dull, not as lifeless as she knew her plain brown ones were, but still there.

"You should get some sleep Brooke, you had a pretty tough day." Lucas whispered, his words coming out almost breathless, because even though he wouldn't admit it, today had been tough on him too, you could see it in his face.

Lucas turned around slowly and left her room, leaving her alone again. She knew he would be back though, Brooke didn't want to be alone. She had been alone a lot lately. She sat on the edge of her bed, her eyes finding herself in the mirror again. Her mid-length brown hair fell straight around her shoulders, slightly messed up here and there from changing clothes and having been hugged at least a thousand times earlier that day, but still in the place where it had been after she had blow dried it that morning. Her skin was pale, paler than usual, except for the redness that was unevenly blotched around her eyes and cheeks. She rolled her eyes at her reflection and crawled backward until she reached her welcoming pillow.

She pulled my comforter over her legs and gingerly laid down her head, and yet, she could not sleep. It wasn't that she didn't want to sleep, her body was exhausted, this past week had been a whirlwind of emotion, to say in the least, but it was like she was afraid to sleep. She was afraid of what her dreams would bring her. She stared around her room again, it was rather large for one person, some of the perks of having her own clothing line, but right now, all it did was make her feel even smaller and more useless.

Brooke's room was rather bright, and while that would usually make someone feel happier, it did nothing for her, it hadn't for a long time. The white and green color scheme used to be a favorite of hers, Peyton had helped her design it, but now, she just wanted to get rid of it, everything that could possibly remind her of Peyton.

Brooke sat up in her bed, her eyes taking this chance to glance at everything really hard, from the window seat on the far side of her room, to the mirror and wooden dresser across from her bead that was never used, to the desk that held her computer, the book case that was exploding and nearly crumpling under the weight of her miniature library, to the TV.

She wanted to get rid of it all, start new, but at the same time, she wanted to cling to everything that much more. These were the last few things that tied me to Peyton, the memories, and how could she simply get rid of those?

Her head flew back, hitting her pillow with a thud, her mind starting to buzz again with thought, her numbness leaving her body and the pain quickly taking its place once more. Brooke wasn't sure when she had fallen asleep exactly, sometime between plotting her garage sale and staring out my window, but it was anything but peaceful.

You know how people say that one has the power to change their dreams if they know they are dreaming? Well they're wrong, or her night would have turned out a lot better. She woke up every couple of hours in a cold sweat. Lucas remained unfazed, at least he seemed peaceful. It wasn't like she was dreaming about someone stalking her or coming to kill er, or anything like that, I was dreaming about Peyton. More vividly, she was dreaming an old memory. Everyone recently like to watch old home videos, especially more since now that Peyton was actually gone, she had been virtually gone before she died—the chemo took a lot out of her and she just wasn't the same anymore. Towards the end she ended up on life support, it was then that Larry decided to pull the plug. But now that she was actually no longer breathing, living in Brooke's house, they had all broken out some old home videos.

There was one everyone liked to watch more than the others; it was on a snow day closer to everyone's senior year. They had all just become really good friends, it was before Haley left for her tour, before the school shooting, where everything was just…peaceful. They all had gathered at Peyton's old house, played in the snow, had some snowball fights, made hot chocolate, and just laughed. Brooke and Peyton—along with everyone else—were genuinely happy. And then, she woke up and the movie ended. It wouldn't seem like a nightmare, but Brooke and Peyton hadn't been that way in such a long time, she hardly even remembered them that way anymore.

Brooke sat in her bed, afraid to let herself fall back asleep, worrying that if she did, her dream would come back, Peyton would come back and then be suddenly taken away from her all over again when it ended and she woke up, and the pain of it all was still so ripe, so fresh, she couldn't handle that again.

Her pain was like an open wound that someone kept poking, the kind that felt like someone was simultaneously stabbing her in both my gut and her heart. She looked over at her alarm clock grudgingly and groaned as the bright red numbers flashed four thirty. Brooke looked down at Lucas again, he still seemed so peaceful, and Brooke wished she knew what he was thinking.

Technically she didn't have to go back to New York for another week, but what was she supposed to do in Tree Hill now? Mope? Have others feel pity for her? No, that wasn't what she wanted, she just wanted things to be normal again, and even though she knew they couldn't, even though she knew her definition of normal was way different than someone else's, it's what she wished for, what she prayed every night to God for.

Brooke slid her legs out of her bed and winced when her feet hit the cold hard floor. She high stepped her way to her closet and put on my slippers before silently walking to her door and quietly yanking it open. She didn't hear anything, not that it surprised her, but a part of her somewhat wished that someone else was up too.

Brooke turned the corner and was puzzled when she saw the light on already in the kitchen, wondering if someone had left one last light on, or if someone was really in there. She had people staying with her right now—Lucas, Larry, even Karen and Lilly—so it could be anyone. Her body tensed, expecting the worst, that some sort of intruder had broken into her home and she was about to confront them head on.

Brooke's head immediately ran through various scenarios, what if they had a gun? Or no weapon at all? Would they try to kidnap her and hold her for ransom? Leave her alone? Oh she could only hope. As I continued to inch her way around the corner to see, her stomach started to churn, butterflies the size of Godzilla moths started to flutter inside her. She turned around the refrigerator, and jumped, screaming in fright as it closed, right as I was about to approach it.

"Shhhh…you'll wake everyone." Karen stood there, in a pair of shorts and some old t-shirt, holding a small little quart of ice cream and a spoon, staring at her. Her usually soft voice had a somewhat harsh tone to it, but grew softer at the end when she really realized it was just Brooke.

Brooke felt my body start to relax, her heart rate seeming to return to some sense of normalcy.

"Well then you shouldn't have scared me like that, shame on you." Brooke walked deliberately to the drawer, grabbing herself a spoon, before taking a seat next to Karen at the island, immediately dipping her spoon into the container, grabbing a huge chunk of the frozen sweetness. The whole scene felt bitter sweet to Brooke though because it was Peyton she normally did this with.

"What are you doing up? You know what time it is, don't you?" Karen raised a curious eyebrow at Brooke as she shoved another spoonful into her own mouth.

"I could ask you the very same thing…truth is, I couldn't sleep." It didn't feel odd confiding in Karen, she had done it a lot, well, since she had known her mostly. Karen was just always around—at least she used to be—and she knew she would never judge or make fun of her, every girl really needed someone like that.

"Yeah…me neither, but probably for different reasons than you…actually, scratch that, they're probably the exact same reasons." Karen had stopped eating the ice cream and just stared at Brooke, really stared at her.

Brooke grew puzzled, wondering if she was waiting for ger to reply, or if she were going to say something else. Brooke chose to stay silent either way. As they sat there in silence though, her mind began to churn. Brooke thought about anything, very random things. She thought about her and Lucas, their past, and then of course especially Peyton. She thought about the company and where that was headed now…just anything. Karen and Brooke sat there for a few moment longer before Karen finally got up and went back into the bedroom where her and Lilly were staying.

Brooke crawled back into her bed, the feeling of numbness starting to over take her again, and just when she thought she hadn't had any more tears left to shed, that she was all dried up, I began to silently sob.

The numb feeling that enveloped her body wasn't enough to take away the agonizing sting this time, it was sort of like being on a low dose pain killer, it took off the edge, but the overall sensation was still there.

She wasn't quite sure how long she laid there crying, but at one point she felt Lucas' arm wrap around her waist and pulled her closer to him. Brooke cried herself to sleep, and when she opened her eyes, the sunlight was just beginning to peak through my window.


End file.
